You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I am naked and annoyed.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
