OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my phone needs a breathalizer
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
