I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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