The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
