I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
