u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My liver just broke up with me...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
