Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
