i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
