Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
