listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
