so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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