BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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