I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
