So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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