How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
