I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
