somebody snuck up and got me drunk
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
