I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
