i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
