States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize