you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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