To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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