Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
