I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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