Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
