Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize