I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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