I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
