Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
