I think i peed on brittanys purse
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
