i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
