went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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