why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
