Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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