i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
