So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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