There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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