Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
