no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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