Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
