in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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