My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
