i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
