hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
