Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
