threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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