i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
