I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
