i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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