We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
