maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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