Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
