My hair reeks of homosexuality.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
