btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
