I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
