I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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