I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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