She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
