I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
