Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
