I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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