halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Your cock deserves a montage
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
