I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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