smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
