Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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