I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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