you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Randomize
