Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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