All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
