Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
