But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
