im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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