By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
