At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize