Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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