I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
