You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
