quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
