I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Say something about gay babies.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i now understand why vodka
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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