It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
